December 2026: A Nightmare

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By Jerry Della Femina
July 27th, 2011

Grandpa, I’m so so cold.

So am I. Let’s burn some more copies of the Press with my old columns about The Supreme Leader, Barack Obama. Those columns weren’t much good anyway.

But Grandpa, why is it so cold?It’s cold because we have no oil. There isn’t a drop of oil anywhere in this country.

Why, Grandpa?

Because drilling for oil in Alaska was bad for the caribou. And drilling for oil offshore sometimes caused an oil spill. And we used up every drop of oil we had.

But couldn’t we have bought the oil from another country?

Yes, but we ran out of money and the Chinese were so mad that we couldn’t pay back the money we owed them that they bought up a lot of the world’s supply of oil for themselves.

Then, of course, Iran developed nuclear weapons and eliminated Israel and threatened all the countries in the Middle East where we used to buy oil back when we had money.

But Grandpa, is that when The Supreme Leader Barack Obama made that great speech that I read about in my schoolbooks?

Yes, he was in his best speech-making mood after we lost Israel and the Middle East.

Who could his forget his “Shame on you, Iran, for being not nice” speech at the United Nations. The delegates cheered him for seven minutes and gave him their “Prince of Peace” award. Then he made a brilliant speech blaming the banks, the rich, the oil companies and the car companies for making us dependent on oil and causing global warming.

Grandpa, isn’t that when Obama dissolved our armed forces?

Yes, that was his most famous “What do we need the military for? We’ve won the respect of the Third World by destroying all of our weapons” speech.

Then he flew to Iran, threw his arms around Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and said, “I will be your friend if you will be my friend.” Ahmadinejad just giggled and walked away.

Was Obama embarrassed?

No. He dropped to his knees and said, “I never liked Israel either.” Then he sang “All We Are Saying Is Give Peace a Chance.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the Iranian parliament. Actually they laughed until they had tears in their eyes. Sadly, Iran tried to destroy the glory of Obama’s big moment the next day when they dropped a hydrogen bomb on Saudi Arabia. But that didn’t stop Obama. He went to Brazil and made his famous “I’m starting to lose patience with Iran” speech.

Brazil?

Yes. By that time the United Nations had moved out of New York because we were out of oil and re-located to Brazil where it was warmer and more comfortable.

Grandpa, was that in 2016, when he stopped being President and asked to be re-elected for the third time?

Yes, that was a wonderful time for the Liberals, the unions, Democrats and The New York Times. It started with a New York Times front page “news” story titled “Many Want Obama To Stay On.” Then the Times said in an editorial that since it was against the law for Obama to be elected President again, let’s eliminate the title of President and elect him as The Supreme Leader.

Yes, I read all about it in school. That’s when he ended taxes and unemployment in the United States.

Exactly. Since he had convinced everyone that the rich were destroying the country and he had taxed just about every penny he could get out of them, he came up with his “Your Money or Your Life” amendment.

He said, “We are all born equal and there is no reason why we shouldn’t stay equal financially, no matter if one man chooses to work every day of his life and another man chooses to live off the work of the man who works.”

Grandpa, I know the great Obama “We are all our brothers’ keepers” speech, and that’s when he was declared the last President of the United States and the first “Leader of the World.”

Yes. So far we’re the only country to go along with this, and all the other countries have more respect for Costa Rica as a world power than us, but you know how persuasive Obama can be when he opens his mouth. YES HE CAN, YES HE CAN.

But Grandpa, it’s freezing. I’m so so cold.

Well I have a surprise for you. For your 10th birthday your Grandpa just sold everything we have for nine pieces of black-market coal.

Grandpa! Grandpa! Nine pieces of coal—we’re rich!

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Original Article

Posted on August 23, 2011, in Iran, Middle East, Natural Gas, Tax Payer's Dime and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

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